Becoming
by jane0904
Summary: The tale of Mal's first time back on Shadow, and what his mother says when she finds out.


"Don't see why," Malcolm Reynolds said, brushing his hair and trying to press the cowlick at his crown into place. Never would stay, not unless his hair was longer'n his Ma would accept. Fourteen years old, nearly fifteen, and he still wasn't allowed to decide how he should look without his Ma getting involved.

"Because it's the law, Malcolm." His mother moved in from the doorway, turning her son around so she could inspect him. "Everyone gets tested." She smoothed out his collar.

"Still don't see why. Ain't planning on getting any more education, Ma. Know exactly what I'm gonna do with my life," he added stubbornly.

She sighed. He was growing up, almost a man. In the last year he'd shot up and was taller than her now, and his voice wasn't a boy's no more. "What about your dreams about going out into the 'verse?" she asked. "When you used to talk about seeing the stars …"

He shook his head. "That's all they were, Ma. Dreams. Dreams of a kid, and I ain't a kid no more."

"Malcolm, just don't try to grow up too fast."

She was the only one ever called him _Malcolm_. Everyone else just called him Mal.

"I ain't trying, Ma. I'm kinda doing that without any thought from me." He looked down at her from his extra few inches, and wondered when she'd stop worrying about him. Prob'ly never. "'Sides, I can see the stars well enough from here." He smiled and bent forward, kissing her cheek. "Gotta go. Maddy's waiting for me."

He hurried down the stairs to the front door, feeling his mother at his heels. "You be careful with her," his Ma said. "You know she only wants one thing."

He was glad he had his back to her, because the blush that rose up his chest might have stopped at his neck, but she would have known. "Don't know what you're talking about, Ma," he said, his mind skittering to that night last week, when they'd been down by the creek, and Maddy had let him touch her, just a little. He'd never … he took a deep breath. Then what she'd done to him …

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, young man. She sees you as a way out of that hole they call a home. Her and her family. Wouldn't be at all surprised if her Pa hadn't put her up to trying to get you to ask her to marry you."

"Marry?" Mal was so surprised and shocked that he laughed. "I ain't ready for marriage!" He stepped outside and felt the evening air cool his skin. He turned to look at his mother. "Ma, I ain't planning on getting hitched for a long damn while."

"Don't cuss," she said automatically. "And you be careful. Sometimes it ain't what you plan that comes to pass."

He knew she was thinking about his father, in the ground these past nine years. He put his hand on her shoulder. "Ma, I promise. I'll be careful." He stood up straight. "So, how'd I look?"

She examined him critically. "Guess you'll do."

"Wow, thanks, Ma."

She smiled. "You look like your Pa. When I first met him. He took my breath away." She straightened one of his suspenders. "You know, maybe I should come with you."

"Ma …" The agonised look on his face made him look like the boy he had been, not the man he was becoming, and she had to smile.

"Okay, okay." She held up her hands in surrender. "I won't embarrass you."

"Didn't say you would," Mal mumbled, relieved beyond imagining.

"Well, you'd better go. Don't want to be late."

He grinned. "No, wouldn't want that."

"So what time does this dance finish?" she asked, walking with him towards the small buckboard he was using tonight.

"'Bout eleven. But I gotta drive Maddy home after, so -"

"You be in by midnight. I don't care what that girl says, you be home and in your bed before that clock strikes."

"Think I might turn into a pumpkin?"

She slapped his arm. "You do what I tell you, Malcolm Reynolds. You still ain't too big to put across my knee."

He jumped up into the buckboard. "Sure I am."

"Don't tempt me into trying."

He laughed again. "See you later, Ma," he said, and whipped the reins. "Yah!"

She watched the little vehicle trundle off into the twilight, towards Maddy's family's run-down place, and she sighed again. That girl had her son wrapped around her little finger, and no amount of assurance from him was going to change her mind. Maddy saw herself as a future wife, that was for sure, and running this ranch. _Her_ ranch, the one she and Ethan had built up together. The one they got to share for so little time.

She shook her head and went back inside. Just so long as Malcolm was careful.

--

He'd planned on being careful. As he drove along, his hand wandered to the small packet in his pocket. No guarantee that she'd let him do anything more than before, but, as his Ma always said, better to be safe than sorry.

That night, by the creek, had been a revelation to him. They'd been for a walk, just talking, about nothing much in particular. Most of the time it was Maddy doing all the work, and him just nodding, or making appropriate noises once in a while. But it had got dark while they were strolling, and they ended up down by the stream as the moon came up.

Maddy turned to him, putting her hands on his chest. "You been listening to a word I said?" she asked playfully.

"Surely did. Couldn't you tell?"

"All I could see was you trying to peer down my dress."

He blushed. "You think I'd do that?"

"Why not?"

"'Cause it ain't right. I mean -"

"No, I meant why shouldn't you look?" She smiled up at him, her face silvered by the moonlight.

"Wha … what?"

She took her hands away and stepped back. "You wanna see?"

For a moment he was in shock, then he swallowed hard. "Uh, yeah. That'd … that'd be shiny."

"Shiny." Her smile teased him. "Okay." Her fingers played with the buttons at the front of her dress, undoing them so slowly Mal thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

"Wait, wait," he said suddenly. "What if anyone sees?"

She made a play of looking around. "Who, Mal? Who's gonna be watching? You think the Preacher's gonna pop up from somewhere and tell us we're gonna go to hell?"

Mal shook his head, mostly at the thought of the Shepherd at all, but equally at the use of her words 'pop up', since a portion of his anatomy was doing exactly that. "Maddy …"

She carried on and all at once the front of her dress was open. He could see flesh … "Look, Mal." She eased the fabric to one side, and there, in all its glory, was one perfect, smooth, handful of a breast.

He nearly came in his pants there and then. "Maddy …"

She stepped back towards him, taking his hand and placing it inside her dress, feeling his slightly roughened skin against her. She sighed, then almost laughed out loud at the look on his face. "Mal, just enjoy it."

He couldn't breath. Here he was, Malcolm Reynolds, standing in the wash of moonlight, never even seen a naked woman before, and he had his hand on a breast. A real breast. A real, live, warm, soft … he ran his thumb across the nipple and Maddy gasped. That felt good. Making her do that. Being able to make her do that. He did it again and this time she moaned.

He stopped. "Did I hurt you?" he asked quietly.

"No. It felt good." She pressed against him, and he knew she could feel his hardness through his pants. "Does that?" She rotated her hips a little. He groaned himself. "Come on," she said, her hands at his trousers. "You've seen me. Now I get to see yours."

"What? No, Maddy, that ain't right." He backed up.

"Why not?"

"'Cause I ain't seen –" He clamped his lips together.

"Ain't seen … what?" She was teasing him again. "Seen this?" She lifted the skirts of her dress, higher and higher, her legs being revealed in all their glory, then … and then …

"_Wu de mah_."

There it was, trimmed with light-coloured hair, not encumbered by any kind of under garment.

"What you imagined?" she asked, following him, her skirts bunched around her waist.

"I … I …" He couldn't go back any further as a tree scraped against him.

"Touch me, Mal." She was so close he could smell her, a musky scent that made him harder than ever.

Without a reasonable thought left in his head, he reached out with his fingers and felt hair springing against his palm. She was so warm, so … "Maddy …" he groaned.

She lifted her body just a little so his finger slipped into her wetness. "You think boys are the only ones who touch themselves?" she said softly, then her voice caught as his fingertip brushed a particularly sensitive area.

"I … I didn't …" His tongue wouldn't work properly, as if his whole being were centred on that one spot where his hand pressed. He didn't even notice her undoing the buttons on his pants until he felt cool air on him.

"My," Maddy said, looking down. "That is impressive."

He glanced down. His manhood was standing to attention, all tight and hard, glistening with moisture at the tip. This time he knew the blush had gone all the way up his face. "Maddy, we shouldn't …"

She brushed his lips with hers. "Shh," she whispered. "Just enjoy it." She reached down …

"God!" he shouted, and she grinned.

She played him. Like she was playing a piano or something. Her hand around him, touching, squeezing, doing all the things he did when he was alone in his bed, when it was just him and the stars above, only this time it was a girl here, touching and squeezing …

He couldn't hold it, and as he thrust into her hand he came, shooting out into the darkness.

She waited until he was done, then let go, leaving his flesh to soften in the cool air.

"After the dance, next week," she promised. "Get something, and we'll stop by here on the way back."

"You mean …" Just the thought sent a twitch to his nethers.

"Next week, Mal." She ran off, her laughter echoing back to him, leaving him standing with his back to the tree.

As he washed himself off in the cold creek water, his mind was awhirl with thoughts and feelings. Some about what his Ma would say if she ever found out. Most, though, about what was going to happen the next time …

And now the next time was nearly here. Just a couple of hours at the dance, then they'd head back to the creek. Seemed appropriate somehow. He grinned in the gathering darkness.

The house came into view, and he could see someone waiting outside. Maddy, dressed in her prettiest clothes.

"Not late, am I?" he asked as he drew the horses to a halt.

She shook her head. "No. Right on time."

He jumped down and helped her aboard. As he put his hands on her waist, her dress caught, and he got a glimpse of pale skin at the top of her thigh, and he began to harden as he realised she wasn't wearing any panties again.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as she settled down.

She looked back at him. "What?" she asked.

"Um, nothing." He quickly climbed up next to her, glad he was sitting down.

Not that it seemed to help. Just the thought that he was next to a girl without any nether garments, who had suggested that they …

She seemed to be able to read his mind, and put her hand in his lap. He nearly jumped off the buckboard in shock.

"I think we'd better go for a drive," she said softly. "Maybe by the creek."

"What … what about the dance?" Mal asked, hearing his voice break.

"You really wanna go dancing when we could be …" She smiled at him.

For a long moment he just stared at her, then, with a growing awareness of the tightness of his pants, he whipped the horses up, and the buckboard clattered off.

--

The clock in the hall began to strike as he threw the door open. Just. Just in time. Not that he was afraid of being the pumpkin, but it was good not to let his Ma down.

"Malcolm? Is that you?"

He should have known she'd wait up for him.

"Yeah, Ma. And it ain't even twelve yet."

She came out of the kitchen. "Nearly."

"Last stroke makes it. And that's …" He paused, waiting, as the clock hit ten, eleven … "now."

"Don't you play games with me, young man," his mother said, her hands on her hips.

"Not doing that, Ma," he said, grinning widely. "And if'n you're planning on telling me off, can we do that tomorrow? Only I gotta get to bed, since I got those tests coming up." He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then ran up the stairs.

Her eyes narrowed. That boy had been up to something, that was for sure. And she was going to find out what.

--

This was boring. Sitting here in the old schoolhouse, a portable screen on the desk in front of him, trying to answer stupid questions about things he didn't care about just so that those two men in front would have something to take back when he could be outside, helping the men … crazy.

"You have one hour," Mrs Gingrich said, checking her wristwatch against the clock on the wall. "Try to complete as many questions as possible. If you finish before the deadline, please just sit and wait."

It wasn't that he hated learning, Mal thought. On the contrary. He actually enjoyed picking up those useless bits of information, learning how to balance figures, even reading odd bits of poetry. Last year Mrs Gingrich had made them read _The Ancient Mariner_, by some long-dead poet from Earth-that-was. That kinda stuck in his mind, about a man who was cursed for killing an albatross … stupid thing to do, as far as he was concerned.

"You may begin."

He looked down at the screen, but all the questions seemed to blur into a haze. He glanced around the rest of the room, at his classmates, their heads all lowered, styluses busy. His gaze landed on Maddy, a couple of rows in front of him and to his right, her hair tied back so he could just see the curve of her jaw.

He smiled. How could they expect him to be interested in answering stuff like this when all he could think about was –

"Is there a problem, Malcolm Reynolds?"

Mrs Gingrich was standing over him.

He looked up guiltily. "No, ma'am."

"Then you'd better get started."

"Yes, ma'am." He lowered his head, and began picking answers.

She'd slipped out of that dress like she did it all the time, standing there all naked, a wraith in the moonlight. "Come on," she said, holding out her hand. "Your turn."

His fingers would hardly work, but he managed to shuck his clothes and be as naked as her in a matter of seconds. "Maddy …"

"Did you bring something?"

He nodded, reaching down into his pants pocket, taking out the foil packet. Then he noticed she was shivering.

"Maddy, what is it?" He crossed the ground to her, pulling her into his arms without thinking.

"Nothing. I guess … I'm a bit scared."

"Scared?" He looked down into her face. "You really ain't done this before."

"Nope. You thought I had?"

"I … what you did before … I didn't know."

"I ain't never done that with anyone else, Mal," she said, leaning into him. "Ain't never been anyone else I wanted to. Only you."

He could feel her skin against his, the softness of a girl becoming a woman, and he knew his manhood was pressing into her. "If you don't want to … just tell me."

"I do," she said, looking into his face. "I want you. More'n I've wanted anything."

"I'll try and be careful," he promised. "Not that I … Maddy, this is my first time too."

She nodded. "I know. That's why it has to be you. Don't want any of those other boys pawing over me, comparing me to their other conquests."

"So that's why you chose me?" It should have made him angry, but the closeness of her, the warm scent reaching his nostrils, he was just grateful instead.

"You ain't gonna brag, Mal. I know you. This is something's gonna stay between us. You won't go and tell Brad and Lyle tomorrow about how you had me." She put her arms around him. "That means a lot to me. Like you do."

"I do?"

"Sure, Mal. Ain't gonna let just anyone be my first."

He smiled slowly, it widening to a grin. "My first too. You gonna brag about me to Jenny and Mai?"

"Gotta see how well you perform first." She ran her hand down his buttocks and around his hip, just grazing his shaft between them.

-

Mal couldn't concentrate on the screen. Too many other images in his head for him to be able to answer even the simplest of questions. Why would anyone want to know if he could tell whether it was going to rain or not, he wondered. And those ones on number predictions …

-

She'd laid down on the blanket he'd spread for her on the ground, her body flushed with heat, and he lowered himself next to her.

"Do you know what to do?" she asked, her hands clasped in front of her.

"I think I can figure it out." He smiled, looking along her length. "See the cattle doing it all the time."

"I ain't a cow, Mal."

"Never said you was." With instinct flaring through him, he leaned over and took possession of her nipple in his mouth, and there were no more words.

-

He glanced at the time. Only fifteen minutes to go, and he wasn't even halfway done. Better just pick any old damn choice.

-

He'd rolled the rubber onto himself, then positioned his body between her thighs, all the while giving her the chance to say stop. But she didn't. Her legs came up around his hips, and she'd pulled him down, and suddenly he was entering her. She was so tight, so hot that he couldn't stop himself from burying his shaft as deeply as he could.

She moved under him, groaning slightly.

"Did it hurt?" he asked anxiously.

"A little. But don't stop." She locked her ankles behind his waist.

He looked into her eyes, so sweet, so trusting, and he began to move, slowly at first then faster, harder, hearing little sounds coming from her lips.

"Maddy, I can't hold …" He could feel the pressure building, and knew he wasn't going to last.

She thrust her hips up towards him. "Mal!" she shouted, gripping his back so tightly she was leaving marks.

He didn't care as she burst on him, and his own flooded through him as he came. On and on, the feeling seeming to last forever until he collapsed bonelessly onto her. For a long while he lay still, only just conscious of her hand stroking the skin of his back. Then he rolled carefully off her, staring up at the stars.

"Mal?" she asked, her arms covering her breasts. "You okay?"

"Me?" he said, something wonderful still washing through his senses. "Yeah, I feel shiny. Real shiny." Then he realised. "You okay?"

"Mmn." She moved closer and he put his arm around her, letting her snuggle into him. "Am I a woman now?"

He squeezed her tightly, feeling sleep creeping up on him. "Sure are, Maddy. Like I'm a man now."

She pressed her cheek into his chest as he drifted off.

-

"Time," Mrs Gingrich called. "Everyone stop."

Mal hit the screen one more time, got the last question, then put the stylus down. At least he'd completed it. He sat back, and let his eyes fall back on Maddy. She was pulling the tie from her hair, letting it loose about her shoulders, and as she smoothed it out she half turned, giving him a smile that promised so much he started to warm.

The two men at the front of the room were talking to Mrs Gingrich, going over the results. They were watching him, he realised.

--

"So, how'd it go?" his mother asked, looking up from where she was repairing one of his shirts.

He shrugged. "Okay."

"You mean you failed."

He laughed. "Ma, I don't see the point of this anyway."

"Did you try?"

He lowered his head a little. "Kinda."

"Meaning you didn't. Oh, Malcolm."

"They asked if I'd done it on purpose, got nearly every question wrong." He laughed. "Like I'd do that."

"So why did you?"

"Just had other things on my mind." He sat down in the chair opposite her. "Ma, that shirt's old. Don't fit me no more."

"Then I'll mend it and pass it on. There's some folks hereabouts wouldn't say no." She fixed him with a stern eye. "And don't go trying to change the subject. Why didn't you try properly? You ain't stupid. You've got your father's smarts, and that ain't nothing. I know you're intelligent." She fingered the silver crucifix at her neck. "God gave you that gift, and that means you should always do your very best with it."

He felt ashamed. "Sorry, Ma. But nothing they could've said's gonna change the way things are gonna be. I'm gonna have a place of my own, a wife, kids … you're gonna be a grandma and sit around all day and play with 'em."

"You think? That I'll just content myself giving you free babysitting?"

He grinned. "It'll be fun."

"Really." She leant back over her sewing. "I had a caller today. While you were out not doing your best."

"Oh?"

"Mr Thatcher came by. Wanted to know why you weren't at the dance," his mother said idly, pushing her needle through the fabric.

Mal jumped. "Oh? Don't know why he'd say that."

"Are you adding lying to that list of sins now?" she asked, looking up and gazing at him with her blue eyes. "Along with not trying, and sleeping with women?"

Mal's jaw dropped to his knees. "I …"

She sighed. "You had the wrapper in your pocket. Came across it when I was doing the laundry."

He couldn't speak. He barely remembered, after they'd got dressed, seeing the foil on the ground, all shiny and reflecting the moon, and he'd picked it up, meaning to throw it away when he got home.

"Ma …" He got to his feet, not sure whether he was going to run.

"Glad to see you were sensible, at least." There was something else in her voice, almost disappointment.

"Ma, don't."

"Don't what?" She shook her head. "You're too young. I know it ain't gonna stop you, not anything I can say, but … just remember that you've got your whole life ahead of you. Please?"

"Ma, I …" He couldn't get his words out.

"Was it Maddy?"

He nodded. "Yes, Ma."

"Least that's one thing. Ain't some whore from the town."

"Ma, I wouldn't." He was shocked to hear her use such words.

"But she ain't the one for you. Don't let her con you into anything. Or make you think you've got her pregnant just so's you'll marry her."

"Maddy ain't like that," he protested.

"Mal, there's a woman out there for you. It ain't Maddy, that much I know. But there's someone who'll make you feel more of a man than you can believe. Just take your time finding her. And when you do, don't you let her go, not for all the tea in China."

"You called me Mal."

She looked up at him. "Guess maybe I did. You ain't a boy no more." She pointed at him with her needle. "You ain't a man yet, neither, so don't go getting any ideas that I ain't shocked at what you did, 'cause I am. But I can understand it. Just … be careful, _dong mah_?"

"I will." He moved to her chair and sat down on the floor, leaning against her legs. "You really think there's someone out there for me?"

She flattened the cowlick in his hair. "Sure of it. Maybe not here, might be some other world, out there amongst those stars of yours, but there's someone. And I can't wait to meet her." Alice Reynolds smiled at her son.

"Can't wait to meet her myself," Mal grinned.

--

Mal lay back in bed, his arm around his wife, listening to the soft sound of Serenity powering through the black.

"I wish you could've, Ma," he whispered softly, smiling into the darkness. "You'd've liked her."

His wife moved slightly, and his arm tightened around her.

"Happy birthday, Ma," Malcolm Reynolds said, and slipped back into sleep.


End file.
